Zoey remembered...

We had family pizza-giving this afternoon.

Trisha, John and Zoey arrived first with a bunch of food [non pizza] and lots of hugging and conversation. Zoey and Trisha saw all the "stuff" set out to decorate and things swung into motion:  Zoey went to play with the village people (and all her toys that she brought to Grandma Pat's house scattered across the rug...) And Trisha declared "don't talk to me until I get something to eat!!" John left to get the pizza's from Pappa Johns - special order - veggie pizza, peppers and pepperoni one, and then a little cheese one. In a little while,  Keith, Tracy, and Delia popped in with the last minute decorations I ordered from JO ANNE's and the kitchen brigade decided to set out nibbling food and await John's return.

When the pizza arrived, the girls sat down and began to eat and talk and eat and talk. John offered to bring me a plate (I was in the living room dragging out decorations) but I said I'd come in and eat at the table.

I was not even aware of being hungry. I was barely aware that I was sitting at a table with only 5 chairs and the boys were walking around eating pizza from their hands... And we chatted away about stuff. and then Zoey ask, "Where's Grandpa Stan?" She was looking up and to the right to remember his name. But she remembered.

And we stopped. And we were unprepared / hesitant/ afraid to answer her. He's not here. He's in the basement (true). And we never did tell her anything else. 

We haven't stopped feeling the loss we suffered with this death. No one can take away the pain of loss a girl feels about losing her Daddy no matter how old the girl. All of us have special memories that we would like to share in love with our Zoey and Delia, but we are unprepared/hesitant/unaware that this could-should be appropriate. The boys are more stoic. Girls carry their feelings so very close to the surface. We all miss him. We talk about him ( your Dad did this, Daddy did that) but it was a surprise to hear Zoey use his name.

Our family gatherings are infrequent and hurried; maybe if we can remember to be aware of why we come together, we will have a better answer if she ever asks again.

Holidays in 2011

Good Sunday Morning!
This is another attempt at avoiding the things I should a, mus ta, have ta DO. But, it gives me the opportunity to update (a little) the events of my life - here in the 21st century.


VACATION: from Saturday morning last to Sunday morning today -

1. I drove to Trisha and John's in Marietta after 4 PM on Sunday in the (driving) rain. [Why they call it driving rain, I do not know. It was not a pleasant experience to be on the road, in the dark in the rain.] But, the time I spent with the familia Miller was fabulous, fun and fortunate. We ate dinner with the grandparents after I got there. Then, when Zoey got ready for bed, I did too. Zonk. Out like a light. Monday. Trisha went for her neck biopsy and I  stayed with Princess Zoey and enjoy her. When Trisha got back, we went to the 3rd Street Deli and had lunch, then on to JO ANNE's for the shopping/cultural self-definition experience. OH, The Christmas Spirit has entered the scene. [home by sunset]

2. On Thanksgiving Day I fooled around until afternoon; then, I loaded the chairs on the truck, picked up the shrimp ring, the camera and the plates and headed out to Morgantown. After Keith unloaded the truck and Tracy parked it up the street (special treatment, I assure you), the Festivities were beginning. Warm greetings from Delia, fragrant smells from the kitchen of the Strother family: turkey, ham and homemade (squash) dinner rolls, and offers of many kinds of libations... Friends began rolling in bout 5PM and brought much good food and fellowship. After dinner, Delia, Audry and Naomi let me participate in Telestrations and we had a ball. A very family Thanksgiving. I drove home thru the patchy fog and slept in my own bed.

3. I started to dig out the Christmas decorations with the far off promise from my kids to help finish the job today (Sunday). I found lots of stuff and found we are missing some stuff I remember we used to have. When I was breaking up housekeeping on the Boulevard, I didn't think we'd ever set up the houses again. But, I changed my mind. So I'm learning to electrify the village in a new way. Looking for parts that are missing, making choices as to whether spend more money on the village or "adapt" my vision to fit the circumstances... It's not perfect and not complete, far from it, but it's twinkly. And maybe that's all we need this year.

All that stuff is better than the work I have to do from school  and life. Every day I'd sleep til 9 and not get dressed until 11, then I get into the truck and find something to do that was not here. Can you say depressed?! The first of the week was rain, fog and blah. Guilt that I didn't work at the house was overcome by not thinking about the house...until I picked up the mail and saw that the garage roof was losing the tar paper roof along the edge of the garage doors...that water was blowing under the side basement door, that the gutters were full of plants and the water was running over the edge of the roof, and on and on and on...

I got a card from Susie (thank you, Susie. You make me feel so much better knowing that you know what I'm going through.) I got a call from Joy. Barb n Ed are in DC this Thanksgiving, resting up for the big family trip to AZ in a few weeks. They invited me to spend some time in the big city, but I just didn't have the energy.  The world keeps turning, I'm still here. Thankful that I can walk, talk, scratch where it itches, hug my kids and grandkids, have a roof over my head, pay my bills,  and a few people who would notice if I dropped out of sight.

As Daddy used to say, "Every day is a good day as long as you are above ground."

This was taken last year 2010 between Thanksgiving and Christmas.